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Let me hear you call my name
Hello. Welcome to my blog. I'm Si Ling. This is where I vent out my frustration and express my feelings. If you can't be bothered about them, kindly leave this page. Enjoy reading! & have a nice day!

Targets
Lost weight to 50kg, GPA 3.85, so that I can end up in a local university, but it seems impossible :(

Wishlist
Have a Baggu bag!, Shopping spree, Change my fashion sense!, Have a nice handbag.

Shoutout



Credits
Layout is by Cia: (Blog | Acc)
Icons/banners are from: Stopthetime / Reviviscent respectively.
Links inspiration are from: Alissa. xoxo
I am worried!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
I am afraid that I might have problem with my internship because I haven't get a my 3 Hep B jabs. I am scared that the company/hospital will not hired me for internship and I will have to do In-house internship, which I don't want to. I want to speed up the time for my 3rd jab but it is not possible. The only way now is to get my blood tested as soon as possible and hope that it will indicate I am vaccinated with Hep B. But what if the result is not positive? How? What am I going to do about it?! I want to do my internship in company/hospital!! I am so worried now! I can't do blood test now because I just recovered from a fever. I will discuss with my parents tonight about this matter. I can't concentrate on my notes when I started to think about this.

Feeling hopeless
Friday, April 20, 2012
Suddenly, I feel that my future is a blur. I think its because of my poor school results. Just yesterday, I was on facebook and I saw a senior (from a different course as mine), successfully enter NTU for Chemistry and Biological Chemistry. How great it is to receive such a letter. Congrats to him. In the letter, it said something like 'based on your 5 semesters results..' Then, I suddenly thought about my own results. Mine are so poor, I don't think I even stand a chance to apply to NTU or to any local Universities. I feel hopeless, that my future is not going to turn out well. I am so afraid that I won't end up anywhere. And, I will just have a piece of Diploma cert and regret for not studying hard enough. People might say that there is a chance at foreign universities, but the tuition fees are too expensive and my mother said that she cannot afford any money for me to go overseas. I don't want to be stuck with a Diploma cert, I know its not good enough and I will end up going nowhere.

To be honest, I don't think I have a dream. I really don't know what I should be when I graduate. I am so afraid that I will end up nowhere. My mother hope that I will be a doctor one day, but based on my 4 semesters results, I don't think I will be one. My results are not good enough. I thought of opening my own bakery shop but, am I really that passionate in baking? I did bake over the holidays but it was because I think its fun. Plus, whatever I baked, the recipes were from the internet. It wasn't even my recipe in the first place. WHAT IS MY DREAM? CAN SOMEONE TELL ME??!

I guess, what I have to do now, is to study hard for my last year and have good results. And, I will see how things goes. That's the plan for now.

WHAT TO DO NOW?!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
I don't know if I should continue my driving lessons with this current instructor. He uses mandarin to teach and sometimes, I don't really understand what he's saying. Its not that my mandarin is weak (I had A for my 'O' level Chinese), its just that the words he use are too 'chim' for me to comprehend. And, plus, he always criticize me. Saying stuffs like I am not flexible, I am a little dumb. Seriously?! What is his problem? I keep bottling them to myself and I try to respect him. But, I really feel dumb when he start to criticize me. I feel like quitting now but I need to be rational. If I quit now, I will need to get a new instructor (which I will find a cheaper one and CAN TEACH ME IN ENGLISH!), and probably learn the same things again. And this means that I will take a longer time to receive my driving license, which to me, is not really what I want. But then again, I don't really mind taking a longer time to have my license. TAKING LICENSE EARLIER OR LATER ISN'T THE POINT NOW! But I really cannot tahan this instructor now. Having 13 lessons with him already, and I am still not sure how to do vertical parking properly. Is it my problem or his? He said that he had some students who had around 10+ lessons with him and they pass their driving. Now, I feel that the problems it with me. I know I am not that flexible but I am already trying my best. Why must he pour a big pail of cold water on me? I bet he thinks that I am his dumbest student so far. Everytime I have driving lessons, I feel very stress. And this isn't suppose to be happening. Driving is something that is suppose to be fun but now, to me, driving IS A PAIN IN THE ASS! SHIT MYSELF! I really don't know if I should continue my lessons with him. He told me to book my test date, BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO BOOK WHEN I CAN'T DO VERTICAL PARKING PROPERLY!? I DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY MONEY! If I go to a new instructor now, I will have to learn things all over again and the methods taught might be different. I really don't know what to do!

Ok, there is only 2 ways to solve the situation now. 1, I should tell my current instructor that I don't understand what he is saying and to speak using less 'chim' mandarin. But sometimes, I really hate him! 2, I can't blame him entirely for the fact that I feel that driving is difficult, I have my own faults. Sometimes, I keep turning the steering wheels and I don't know where is the position of the front wheels. But what I am suppose to do? How can I improve on that? I DON'T KNOW! I think it is based on experience but I am not allow to drive on the roads because I don't have a license yet.
Maybe, the entire situation is due to 1 person's fault, and THAT'S MINE! I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HATE DRIVING!

Leader or follower?
Friday, April 13, 2012
I was asked this question during my CSAS 4 interview. The interview is like a simulation of a real job interview. My answer to that question was: I am a leader. But I actually feel that I am a follower. I replied leader because I didn't want to create a 'not so good' impression to my employer. However, thinking back, I feel that I should have answer that question truthfully. I am a follower although I had leadership background during my secondary school days. I am a follower but I will air my views about certain stuffs when I feel that is a better way of doing it. I will also ask questions when I am in doubt. So, I am a follower. I feel that I am not fit for a leadership position. Honestly, I cannot handle group meeting and don't even mention doing the task correctly. I feel that I always lead the group in the wrong direction. I always confused other people when they actually listen to what I say. I keep saying the wrong stuffs, however, my members are the ones saying the right things. I feel so DUMB! There is something wrong with the way I interpret stuffs. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN?! I do not want to be a leader, I do not want to drag down the whole group. I guess, I only have initiative but not leadership. I AM NOT A LEADER! But I am always the one asking people to do this and that, because they don't do anything. I was just doing the kick start. But I do not want to be nominated as the leader of the group.

Blogging once again
Friday, March 9, 2012
I'm back after so long!
actually, i felt like blogging long ago but i was preparing for my exams and i don't want to distract myself. anws, here i am.
i want to blog about many stuffs. let me start with 1 thing that i should have blog long ago.

Life is really short and unpredictable.
While i was preparing my exams, my aunt was hospitalized due to her frequent fever. She was diagnosed with meningitis if i am not wrong. Some bacteria manage to enter into her brain, causing frequent fever and headache. Before getting her diagnosis, the family (ok, maybe me and my mum) were about her. We have no idea what was causing her fever. We were worried sick. Anws, back to my point about life being unpredictable. My aunt is a very fit person (based on what i observed when we have family gatherings), its hard to believe that she was had meningitis. The news came as a shock. What i want to say here is, everyone has to appreciate their loved ones around them because you never know what will happen to them the next day. You always hear people saying that to you, but you can never understand the true meaning of appreciating until you really have been through it. You should tell the people around you that you love them everyday. Don't wait until its too late and you might probably lose the chance and you would regret it. If you are not good with words, you can show your love to them through actions. There's a saying 'Action speaks louder than words'. Take actions to show your appreciation and love to those around you. Simple things like helping them to carry their stuffs, listen to them when they rant, you could also join them in things that they enjoy doing. All this action will indicate to them that you actually cared. It will also make the world a better place, won't it? If anybody is reading this right now, you should go to your family member that is closer to where you are sitting, and tell them that YOU LOVE HIM/HER!

I wish i had to the courage to do that. But, i kinda of a shy person. I will only say i love you when my mum says she loves me. There is some irony here. Anws, tell/show to the people around you that you love them thats my main point of this piece of post.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I REALLY HATE MYSELF! im not determined enough to study. now is the 3rd week of school and im still in holiday mood!! ARGHHHH! im watching vampire diaries when im slow in my studies alr. i should be studying now! not watching TV series! but i just cant help it but to keep watching! i would keep thinking that my other classmates are also relaxing, so why not take break? but the thing is, my other classmates produced good results during tests, which will be coming soon, and me, will be bringing horrible results! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!? i have to switch to study mood alr.. but its not easy.. i really need to do something about my attitude towards studying! i know everyone needs a break, but please, BREAK AT THE RIGHT TIME!


Saturday, October 29, 2011
im feeling very frustrated now. cos my name wasn't written in one of my subject grouping. im like slightly pissed off now. seriously? what's wrong with me? the person had already made the necessary changes and my name is there already but im still unhappy! ok, maybe im a superstitious person. cos im afraid that when my name isn't in the group, it means i won't do well for that subject. how silly? to put it in simpler terms, when your name doesn't appear at somewhere when it was suppose to be there, wouldn't you think that you are forgotten? wouldn't you wonder why you are forgotten? i would naturally think that im forgotten because my results are poor! i don't like to be forgotten. oh no, something is really wrong with me. STOP BEING SO SUPERSTITIOUS! it will affect your results for this subject. just forget it. its a human error. try not to think about. keep your mind cool and do your best for this subject.



Goodbye
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